Powered By Blogger

Friday, February 22, 2013

Just a thought.

There are certain things that cross your mind but we never speak out loud. I don't, until of course if I'm drunk. As I have mentioned earlier, I am a self proclaimed coward. And I accept it shamelessly.

So, getting back to our earlier line of thought, things we wonder about and don't speak out loud. I have often wondered as to why certain things are taboo. And all this in particular for women. Things so much a part of us and our living, things we go through or think of every day of our life, almost.

Sexual intercourse is one. Sex as we commoners call it. Why so taboo? I am not talking about going libertine, I am talking of freedom of expression. What is sex after all? It means different things to different people. It is pleasure for some, and nothing more. It's expression of complete commitment for others. I thought it was the case everywhere you know, as in women who had sex outside marriage bonds to be seen as "women who left their doors ajar." But then I had a chat with a pen-pal, from the West, who thinks that it's not so crucial a matter as of now. It bothers many, but its just fine, almost.

But hey, when it comes to a guy, he fucks five girls and he's a legend. And somewhere, the men of this generation, especially in our "unique" sub-continent cannot seem to be able to deal with the new educated women who are at par with them. You all still want somebody who stays at home and waits, takes care of the kids, does your every bidding, and licks the sol of your feet. Virginia Woolf I feel was talking of India when she said, "A woman is a mirror that shows men as twice their size." This may sound crude, but hey, we even fake orgasms to soothe your ego in bed.

Menstruation is another one. This is not even worth being argumentative about. Really.
A friend of mine mentioned it on a networking site, and that is when I realized that it's not just me.
ALL women go through it for a period of days for the maximum part of their lives. But, still we need to hide and run for cover. Periods is said in code words. Mothers lower their voices while asking their daughters about their "health" and fathers cover their faces with newspapers everytime an ad pops up on the television set. Why can't you just treat it as a mundane issue that happens every goddamn month?! In fact, you should respect it! It's the only way you can have "generations". I am not the only one, I'm sure, tired of carrying black poly bags. It will happen every month. I can't stop or control it. So, can't we just live with it? It is equivalent to sweating.

We too were created with sexuality. I am sorry, you have to live with it, accept it. A woman who's had sex with two men is not a whore, if she likes sex she's not immoral, and we have periods-natural phenomenon.

Live with it all. We tolerate your unbearable libidos too.

Peace. And acceptance.

Monday, February 11, 2013

ANGRY angry ponder.

Now see, I have always been a self proclaimed coward. 

And I always need something to blame things on when I'm not right.

And since it is my life, things are never right. I am tired of always joking about it. I mean, duh(I never use that word. I hate it. I also hate LOL. Disgusting they sound to me. But hey, circumstance is the villain.) for once I could I just ask, if I may, Divine Providence for an intervention and just let me have a normal, calm, boring, monotonous life?!

I don't want to attract screwed up people.
I don't want to have to suffer from intensive hatred disorder.
I don't want everyone I know getting ahead of me. And I don't want to be bothered if they do. Duh. (There it is again.)
I don't want to be insecure when I feel someone is ignoring me.

I want to be a calm, composed, self sufficient, lonesome individual. I want to be me and love myself.

I don't want to be too scared to dream and think myself incapable. I don't want to be scared of taking that leap of faith. I know everybody is, but believe me, mine is abnormally bad.

I want peace and quiet. I want to just relax. Be at rest.

Really, is that too much to ask for. Can't I just live?



Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I want to sit back with a glass of wine, preferably red, and look back at my  life. I want to be in my balcony and look out at the sea...I want to feel its vastness within me. I want to feel in that moment the eternity we live in this short life.

I want to count the chances I missed, people I've lost, all the heartbreaks that made me after shattering me a bit every time.
I want to feel the wind against my face and in it taste the freedom I have earned- the independence from all the encroaching proprieties that held me back.
I want to sit back and ponder how human I am, and the times I have easily shut down my conscience to go forth and grab what belonged to another. I want to count off the people I cheated. I want to see if knowing it all would tear me apart with remorse or would I just shrug it off.

I want to lean into the sound of the waves lapping at each other...and reach out to that life force that sustained me all the while through thick and thin.
At last, I want to reach out to that peaceful bliss, delve deeper into its solace of unrestricted, unhindered, irrevocable sleep.

I want to be at rest, at last. Eternally.
It is not death that I wish for, but a serene sense of calm in which I can hold myself together and claim my life for my own, with all its mistakes and shortcomings, and all the sorrows that it brings with it.

I want to say with complete dignity, I am Me. And I love every moment of it.